“I need some space” can be the worst thing that hits you in a relationship. It may appear that your partner is skeptical of the intimacy or closeness between the two of you, leading to the always frightening conclusion that you need space in a relationship. The fact is, it is actually healthy. Space in a relationship is necessary to highlight the individualistic traits of each partner. Every relationship needs a breather when the going gets tough, because everyone has their own way of dealing with arguments and arguments. That’s fine, because it helps us see where our priorities are. But no matter how much we convince ourselves, we are forced to question this: “How much space is normal in a relationship?”

There is a perfect balance that is almost unattainable when it comes to having space in a relationship. It has its own ups and downs. If your partner can rely on you most of the time, then you definitely need some leeway, ie set clear boundaries. On the other hand, a little distance can be good for you and your partner to help you achieve other important things in your life. Ultimately, you will both be grateful for the space and distance as it will bring you both closer.

But while we are navigating the ways to bring space into the relationship, it’s important to understand why you or your partner needed space in the first place.

Remember, it is perfectly normal to talk to your partner about what you want. Take your time and tell your partner why you need space in the relationship. Tell them why and how you have not felt like yourself for a while and that you need some time to reconnect with your true self; mainly about what you need. If your partner is comfortable with sharing the same thing with you, make sure that you don’t get defensive about your possible flaws in the relationship that may have resulted in emotional distancing. When you both finally understand the problem that drove you both apart, you can work to resolve it.

Next, how much space do you both really want?

Once you and your partner have clarified the reason for your space requirements, the two of you need to take the next step, which is to think about how much space you both really want or need. There really isn’t a specific level as every relationship is different. The parameters vary between pairs. You may need more time to pursue hobbies and interests, or you may just need some “alone time” away from the complexities and responsibilities of a relationship. If it isn’t life changing or can change your relationship drastically, it’s probably okay to ask for some space. However, if your partner suggests getting a job in another city just to make some space in the relationship, then there is a problem. In such cases, communicating with your partner about what exactly he wants and feels is vital.

Too much space in a relationship is not healthy. It indicates the fact that your partner is not around you; they will feel happier if they spend time alone. This further means that your partner is not ready for relationship tasks and vice versa. Forcing each other to maintain a dying relationship by imprinting the system of ‘space’ will not work unless one of you is willing to work the relationship through.

Do you need to check them out?

To keep things safe and organized, you can ask your partner how comfortable they will be with you checking them out during the “room” phase. You can suggest texting every now and then or meeting for brunch on a Sunday until the two of you are ready to get together happy and fresh! If your partner is uncomfortable, leave it alone. Let her get through this time alone. You can, however, focus on your work, goals, self-care and hobbies. Finding the perfect balance of space in a relationship can be achieved. But only with the right amount of love, understanding and respect. If it doesn’t work, the relationship is not for you.